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Ella's Journey  by S Tomlinson


Looking back over our shoulder.   A reliving of that critical time. 


More than a year, it’s 16 months since hearts were firmly in our mouths
A journey so of magnitude, the world no longer turned. 
The fear, the fright of what’s to come weighed heavy, like a sodden coat around our shoulders, a damp overwhelming fear of sudden helplessness as we hand our child into the care of others. 


Is not this alien, to relinquish care unto those we only just have met. 
Is not this alien to hope but not know that all will be well.
Is not this alien to wait and wait and know not what the future holds, cept for what others kindly impart. 

Advice, support and friendship abounds from those who’ve walked this walk and talked this talk

But what of mine, will luck be kind and allow my heart to hope that all is and will be well
What pain, what stress, what fear will manifest as wakefulness takes the place of sleep
Drugs will ease the pain and let her slumber but time will heal in time.


No fast forward, no pause, no replay this is real and this is now. 

But time takes time, seconds into minutes and hours into days as slowly

the healing begins.

We want to take away the pain, the stress, the fear and wave a magic wand
To see it stop, see it gone, banished from their lives. 

Decisions made are doubted, should we be here at all
To put them through such torment, to make them feel such pain


But then, fast forward as if by some twist and turn of fate, they’re through it all and home, and seen the worst of what life can throw with all it’s might, life’s cruel, it’s mean but also kind
So kind to bring them home at last and see them heal and start to live
A normal life, with friends around, to laugh again and run around as if they’d never been away. 


So 16 months on and here we are, breath held anxiously waiting, waiting time again is slow
X-ray. Done, we sit and ponder what will show from deep within, has all remained as should will all be well.

Will all be good or do we have to face the news that fear has set in mind that somehow things have changed 
There’s been a slip, a broken cord, oh fate would be so cruel. 

But blessed relief, overwhelming joy, to know that all is good
No change, all's straight and the world can start to turn again

Relief pours over us like a raging torrent, taking away everything in its

path, the worry, the fear and the stress. 
And now, just maybe we dare to dream, dare to hope and dare to live
So take heart if you are there at the beginning of this journey

It’s long and hard and full on stress but you will see it through and get to

see the same as us, a normal child, a normal life.


Good luck I say good luck to all. 




S P Tomlinson
Written whilst in the waiting room at St George’s Hospital, London with my darling daughter.



To see more about this remarkable young lady's journey, please see the following video & channel on YouTube:






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